Firstly I know there is a spelling mistake on postpone. Prospone infact means being sexual in spooning position which is interesting. Here are some words and lessons I have been learning on my journey into joy. The key ones for me is Transparency. I have been exploring this idea of being more real and seen, learning to let the ugly parts arise from me with partner so they can move. To stop blaming myself. A friend said its about becoming slower and less intense in relationships. Expecting anything. I started to do a transparency dance for myself on nights out, was an incredible dance, id try it. Just let your full self be seen, let it all out. It was there someone thought my name was joke de winter, hahah!
It has been an intense jump into conscious sensuality and tantric sexual healing with doing 4 day retreat with Robert, learning about old habits that were blocking me from loving with out attachment. lots of fear came up about being alone, not being passionate enough, i saw how intense i was, how i pull back to protect, and also how i loose myself in relationships. I must learn that love is everywhere and in everything. That is the same for joy I guess. And that to not be intense you just learn to let the tense go, simple. This came up in Tantric massage with john hawken. he did a beautiful wave massage to shatter illusion of separateness.
I have also been learning that my passion for life was dead, i need to move my body to dance to wake my joy up again.